I Like Champagne Because It Always Tastes

The Best Way To Clean Up A Son's Room Is To Close The Door And Pretend It's Not Part Of The House.

The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is Because I Was A Caddie When I Was 13. Women Never Gave Up A Golf Ball That Was Lost Somewhere In The Trees And Thicket And Down Through The Poison Ivy. It Was During One Of These Searches That I Vowed To The Lord Above That If I Ever Earned Enough Money I Would Never Set Foot On A Course Again.

I Just Don't Want To Die The Same Day Castro Dies

An Economist Is A Man Who Knows A Hundred Ways Of Making Love But Doesn't Know Any Women.

People Are Broad-minded. They'll Accept The Fact That A Person Can Be An Alcoholic, A Dope Fiend, A Wife Beater And Even A Newspaperman, But If A Man Does Not Drive, There Is Something Wrong With Him.