You Know, A Lot Of Girls Go

My Mom Gave Me One Of Those Cloth Calendars For The Kitchen. It Took Me Three Hours To Sew In A Dental Appointment.

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

At My Lemonade Stand I Used To Give The First Glass Away Free And Charge Five Dollars For The Second Glass. The Refill Contained The Antidote.

Coming Up With A Funny Joke Is Like Falling In Love: It Can Hit You Any Time, Anywhere. Having Said That, The More You Put Yourself Out There, The Better Your Odds Will Be.

In College I Was One Of Six Males Who Auditioned For Five Male Roles In A Comedy Play. I Was The One Rejected. At That Moment I Made Up My Mind Never To Place Myself At The Mercy Of Some Pompous, Goateed, Black-turtleneck-shirted "should I Yay Him Or Nay Him?" Pantywaist Ever Again.