Why Me, Lord? Don't Answer That!

Security Is A Thumb And A Blanket. Happiness Is A Warm Puppy.

I Have A Feeling That When My Ship Comes In I'll Be At The Airport.

You Know, In A Way, 'dear Santa Claus' Is Rather Stuffy... Perhaps Something A Little More Intimate Would Be Better... Something Just A Shade More Friendly..." "how About 'dear Fatty'?

Though Her Husband Often Went On Business Trips, She Hated To Be Left Alone. "i've Solved Your Problem," He Said. "i've Bought You A St. Bernard. Its Name Is Great Reluctance. Now, When I Go Away, You Shall Know That I Am Leaving You With Great Reluctance!" She Hit Him With A Waffle Iron.

Nobody Remembers Who Came In Second.