When I Was A Kid I Got

I Could Tell My Parents Hated Me. My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. The Time I Was Kidnapped, And The Kidnappers Sent My Parents A Note They Said, "we Want Five Thousand Dollars Or You'll See Your Kid Again."

One Night She Told Me To Put Out The Garbage. I Told Her "you Cooked It, You Take It Out".

With Sex My Wife Thinks Twice Before She Turns Me Down. Yeah, Once In The Morning And Once At Night.

With Girls, I Don't Think Right. I Had A Date With One Girl, She Had Mirrors All Over Her Bedroom. She Told Me To Come Over And Bring A Bottle. I Got Windex.