We Don't Do Sensible Things. This Is

Arnold Schwarzenegger Has Come Out Against Gay Marriage. He Said Marriage Is A Sacred Union Between A Groupie And Any Number Of Body Builders.

If We Were A Dog And God Owned Us, The Cops Would Come And Take Us Away.

Jesus Is Not A Candle. A Company In South Dakota Is Selling Candles With The Scent Of Jesus. You Light One And Your Friends Says, Christ, What's That Smell?

To Give You An Idea How Slowly We Are Leaving Afghanistan, Afghans Don't Refer To Us Anymore As 'infidel Crusaders.' They Refer To Us As 'irish Relatives.'

I Want To Thank Some Very Special People Without Whom I Would Not Be Here Today. George Bush, Sarah Palin And The Pope. When I Came To Hollywood In 1983, I Had One Dream. To Sleep With Jodie Foster. That Didn't Work Out, But This Is Nice, Too.