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Edward Snowden Gave A Little Press Conference Today. He Is Apparently Seeking Temporary Asylum In Russia. Because, You Know, When You're Tired Of The Government Snooping Into Everything You Do, Putin's Russia Is Definitely The Place You Want To Go.

Next Week John Boehner Will Be Sitting Behind Barack Obama At The State Of The Union Address. I Think Obama Should Purposely Try To Embarrass Him By Telling The Story Of 'old Yeller.' The State Of Our Union Is Strong, But Not So Good For One Special Dog.'

Hollywood Isn't Your Cesspool, America. It's Your Mirror.

Hey Birthers, Wanna Hear My Theory? My Theory Was That Obama Was Born In America And You Were Born With The Umbilical Cord Around Your Neck.

Time Magazine Put Chris Christie On The Cover With The Caption, 'the Elephant In The Room.' And People Magazine Named Him 'sexiest Garbage Truck In A Suit.'