The Sofa Is The Enemy Of Productivity.

Once I Started To Look I Finally Began To See.

100% Of The People Who Give 110% Do Not Understand Math.

And Of Course I Didn't Make Any Money From Stand Up For Years, So I Had Temp Jobs. That Was The Way I Made Money.

As Soon As I Jumped Out Of The Airplane, I Realized I Had Forgotten My Parachute. Thank God We Were Still On The Runway.

When Someone Describes Themself As A Taxpayer, They're About To Be An Asshole.