The Shape I'm In, I Could Donate

What A Childhood I Had, Why, When I Took My First Step, My Old Man Tripped Me!

With Girls I Get No Respect. A Belly Dancer Told Me I Turned Her Stomach.

People Seldom Live Up To Their Baby Pictures.

I Recently Had Double-bypass Surgery. As They Wheel You In, The Doctor Always Gives You A Last Look. You Know That Look. That Look Of Confidence To Make You Feel Good. I Always Say To Every Doctor, If I Don't Make It, I'll Never Know It.

And My Girlfriend, She's Fat! How Fat? She's So Fat She Wears Two Watches-one For Each Time Zone!