Sparklers Are The Gay Cousins Of The

I Like Doing Stand-up And I Love Putting Out Tv Specials.

I Masturbate! I Do It Like I Think If I Keep Doing It, I'm Gonna Win Something.

Sometimes You Need A Cigarette. Like After You Have Sex With A Beautiful Woman Or A Confused Young Man.

Every Dude In Here Has Had A Fantasy About Jessica Simpson. Here's Mine: Jessica, Hold Your Sister Ashlee So I Can Kick Her In The Throat.

I Don't Have A Girlfriend But Sometimes I Like To Pretend I Do. I Just Stand In My Apartment Screaming No, That's Not What I Said!