South Park Called...they Want Their Everything Back.

You Have Such A Huge Career ... Behind You.

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.

Do You Want Me To Apologize After Every Joke? If It Doesn't Offend Somebody It's Probably Not A Joke. It's Probably An Observation That's Not Funny. It's Gotta Offend Somebody Somewhere.

As Soon As You Start Analyzing Comedy Is When The World Starts To Fall Apart, And We're Second Guessing It. And We Are Way Too Sensitive.

Life Has To Keep Going, So You Can Either Be A Victim The Rest Of Your Life And Let It Drag You Down Into Drugs And Alcohol And Depression Or You Can Turn It Into Something Good, Fun Even, You Know, And I Tell Young People Who Are Going Through Depression That This Might Be The Most Important Time Of Your Life. This Might Be What Makes You A Great Artist Later On.