Some People Think Of The Glass As

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."

Before They Give You A Lethal Injection, They Swab Your Arm With Alcohol. It's True. Well, They Don't Want You To Get An Infection, And You Can See Their Point. They Don't Want Some Guy Go To Hell And Be Sick.

If Lawyers Are Disbarred And Clergymen Defrocked, Doesn't It Follow That Electricians Can Be Delighted, Musicians Denoted?

There Is A Planet Named Pluto, But We Don't Have One Named Goofy. Goofy Would Be A Good Name For This Planet. It Certainly Qualifies.

My Tombstone? I'm Thinking Something Along The Lines Of, 'geez, He Was Just Here A Minute Ago.'