Smartphones. Who Cares? Smartphones. I Only Have

They Always Use The Word 'insult' With Me, But I Don't Hurt Anybody. I Wouldn't Be Sitting Here If I Did. I Make Fun Of Everybody And Exaggerate All Our Insecurities.

I've Got An Accountant Who's Been With Me Forty Years. If He Makes A Mistake, He Dies.

I Never Could Tell A Joke. I Just Started Talking To The Audience, And When The Drunks Would Yell, "hey, When Do The Broads Come On?" I Got Good At Saying, "relax. Clear Your Skin Up First." They Called Me "the Insult Guy," But It's Never Mean-spirited. I'm Just Exaggerating Everything About Us And About Life.

I Can Sit All Day In A Comfortable Chair And Watch Ball Games, But I Don't Need A Blanket.

I Don't Feel An Obligation To Give Everyone A Hard Time, But When They're Important People, It's Fun.