New York City Subways Are Now Getting

I Heard Doctors Revived A Man Who Had Been Dead For 4-1/2 Minutes. When They Asked Him What It Was Like Being Dead, He Said It Was Like Listening To Yankees Announcer Phil Rizzuto During A Rain Delay.

Today Would Have Been The Birthday Of Osama Bin Laden. It Makes Me Remember When Seal Team 6 Threw Him A Surprise Party.

Donald Trump Is Attacking President Obama's Background. And I Said, 'wait A Minute, Trump Also Is From A Mixed Background. He's Half Jack And Half Ass.'

Over The Weekend Mitt Romney Went Body Surfing. He Has Not Body Surfed Since The '90s When He Starred On 'baywatch.'

The Senator Got So Tired On The Campaign Trail That He Started Kissing Hands And Shaking Babies.