My Own Personal Rule Is To Tell

Comedians A Lot Of Times We're On The Road, We're By Our Self. We Come Home To New York To Our Empty One-bedroom Apartment, You Know, And We Need A Place To Go Where You See A Bunch Of Other Miserable People Sit Around And Eat A Corned Beef Sandwich.

Comics Just Don't Retire. They Either Die Young Or They Go To 100.

My Parents, Grandparents, Aunts And Uncles Were All Funny, And I Felt That Energy, That Delivery, That Timing, That Sarcasm. All That Stuff Seeped Into My Brain.

It Really Bothers Me When Some People Say That All Cops Are Racist. Of Course That's Not True. Most Of You Are Just [expletive] To Everybody.

I Usually Have Sex To My Stand-up Comedy Album. Power Move.