Me: “ngh” Cal: “well Put.” ...... Every

Mia, I'm Not Sorry. And I'll Wait. Love, Michael.

I Have Nothing Against Sean Penn. I Don't Even Mind That He Ended Up Divorcing Madonna. I Mean, I Still Like Shia Labeouf Even Though He Chose To Star In Transformers, Which Turned Out To Be A Movie About Robots From Space. That Talk. Which Is Just As Bad As Choosing To Divorce Madonna, If You Ask Me

This Was Very Exciting. I'd Never Had Two Boys Get Into A Fight Over Me Before. The Fact That One Of The Boys Was My Stepbrother, However, And Held About As Much Romantic Appeal For Me As Max, The Family Dog, Somewhat Dampened My Enthusiasm. And Michael Wasn't Much Of A Catch, Either, When You Actually Thought About It, Being A Potential Murderer And All. Oh, Why Did I Have To Have Such A Couple Of Losers Fighting Over Me? Why Couldn't Matt Damon And Ben Affleck Fight Over Me? Now That Would Be Truly Excellent.

Do Not Chase Boys. Chasing Boys Is Bad. Chasing Boys Can Lead To Horrible Things Like Mansions Going Up Into Flames, Hand Amputations, And Blindness. So Have Some Self Respect And Don't Let Things Get Too Far Before The Wedding Day.

I Wonder What It's Like To Live In Tinaville. I Get The Feeling It's Very Shiny There.