"i Am Not Just Another Notch On

There Was Another War-related Casualty Today. The French Were Injured When They Tried To Jump On Our Bandwagon.

In An Interview With Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, Who Is Running For President, Said That When He Voted For The War In Iraq, He Didn't Expect President Bush To 'f--- It Up As Badly As He Did.' Here's Some Breaking News, Tomorrow Former Vice President Al Gore Expected To Endorse Howard Dean As The Democratic Nominee For President Of The United States - And You Thought John Kerry Was Using Four Letter Words Before! Actually, To John Kerry, Dean Is A Four Letter Word.

My Favorite Halloween Candy Is The Candy Corn. It Comes In Four Colors: White, Yellow, Orange, Brown. Those Are Also The Stages Of Your Teeth Rotting After You Eat It.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced That He Is Going To Run For Governor On Our Program Last Night. My Staff Didn't Know, Arnold's Staff Didn't Know, I Was Shocked As Everyone Else. If He Doesn't Get Elected Governor, Maybe He Should Work For The Cia. I Mean, He Can Keep A Secret Better Than They Can.

According To A New Study, 63% Of Men Surveyed Said They Like To Settle An Argument By Having Sex. The Other 37% Of The Men Said They Would Never Want To Get Into An Argument With Those Men.