Inauguration Security Was Tighter Than Kirstie Alley

President Bush's Campaign Is Now Attacking John Kerry For Throwing Away Some Of His Medals To Protest The Vietnam War. Bush Did Not Have Any Medals To Throw Away, But In His Defense He Did Have All His Services Records Thrown Out.

Family Planning Experts Are Now Recommending Giving Men Vasectomy Gift Cards For The Holidays. Talk About Taking The Jingle Out Of The Bells.

John Kerry Said Today That He Wants To Get Rid Of Tax Cuts For The Rich And His Wife Said, 'hey, Shut Up! What's The Matter With You?! Are You Nuts?!'

Anheuser-busch Gives Two Free Cases Of Beer To Its Employees At All Of Its Parks, Like Busch Gardens. That's A Comforting Thought The Next Time You're Getting Ready To Get On The Roller Coaster!

According To A New Un Report, The Global Warming Outlook Is Much Worse Than Originally Predicted. Which Is Pretty Bad, When They Originally Predicted It Would Destroy The Planet.