In Order For People To Be Happy,

I Stare At Her, As Dumbstruck As If She'd Just Admitted She's A Scientologist With An Invitation To Join Tom And Katie On The Spaceship When It Shows Up.

When I Did See The Story Of Persephone, I Was Really Drawn To It. Persephone, The Goddess Of Spring, Was Kept From Olympus By Her Mother, Demeter, Because Demeter Was Very Worried That The Gods Of Olympus Would Do Something Terrible To Her.

We Were A Very Funny Family. Humour Was The Tool With Which My Brother And I Tried To Get Attention. We Were Always Trying To Be The Funniest.

And I'm Going To Tell The Truth: I Didn't Like That Sean Penn Movie Into The Wild So Much. Yes! I Know It Was Critically Acclaimed. I Know It Won All These Awards! It's Very Sad That A Boy Is Dead And All. But I Thought The Movie Enchanted, With The Singing Princess And The Chipmunk And The People Dancing In Central Park, Was Cuter. So There!

You Want A Happy Romantic Relationship? Don’t Ruin It By Getting Married.