I'm Not A Big Baseball Fan, To

This Week The Obama Administration Warned China To Remove Its Secret Agents From The U.s. Then In The Middle Of Obama's Announcement A Plant Behind Him Got Up And Walked Away.

Donald Trump Announced That He's Running For President. During His Speech He Told The Crowd That If Elected He Would Be 'the Greatest Jobs President That God Ever Created.' Then God Said, 'hey, Don't Drag Me Into This Publicity Stunt.'

Bernie Sanders' Presidential Campaign Announced That It Raised Over $1.5 Million In The 24 Hours After He Announced His Bid. Meanwhile, A 12-year-old On Kickstarter Just Raised $7 Million In Five Minutes After Announcing His Idea For Juice Box Water Guns.

The Favorite To Win The Olympic Gold Medal In Archery Is A Legally Blind Athlete From South Korea, Mainly Because Everyone Else Is Too Scared To Compete Next To Him.

I'm On So Late I'm Definitely The Last Seconds Of Anyone's Attention. So I Just Want To Give Them Something Dumb To Laugh At, So They Go, 'that's Funny,' Then Fall Asleep.