I Worked In A Pet Store And

My Wife Is So Fat That The Last Time I Saw Something That Big It Was Grazing.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. I Put My Hand In Some Cement And Felt Another Hand.

Once I Pulled A Job, I Was So Stupid. I Picked A Guy's Pocket On An Airplane And Made A Run For It.

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

It Was The Same Thing In The Army, No Respect. They Gave Me A Uniform That Glowed In The Dark.