I Was Going To Have Cosmetic Surgery

My Husband Is So Confident That When He Watches Sports On Television, He Thinks That If He Concentrates He Can Help His Team. If The Team Is In Trouble, He Coaches The Players From Our Living Room, And If They're Really In Trouble, I Have To Get Off The Phone In Case They Call Him.

I Had The Most Boring Office Job In The World...i Used To Clean The Windows On Envelopes.

I Loved My Mother Very Much, But She Was Not A Good Cook. Most Turkeys Taste Better The Day After; My Mother's Tasted Better The Day Before. In Our House Thanksgiving Was A Time For Sorrow.

I Never Panic When I Get Lost. I Just Change Where It Is I Want To Go.

How Can I Have Morning Sickness When I Don't Get Up Till Noon?