I Try To Have Sex As Much

How Many Of You Have Had A Crush On A Teacher? I Mean, Remember That Physics Professor? Law One Is So Steamy, I'm Getting Worked Up Just Thinking About It: Every Object In A State Of Uniform Motion Tends To Remain In That State Of Motion Unless An External Force Is Applied To It. Mee-yow.

I'm Not One Of Those People Who Walks Away And Says, "that's A Lot Better Than I Thought It Was Going To Be." I Said, "no, This Is As Bad As I Thought It Was Going To Be, I Didn't Like It. I Didn't Want To Talk To Anybody."

Jon Stewart Hires People That He Thinks Are Funny. That's It. That's The Only Requirement.

I Remember Reading These Articles When I Was Younger, And I Just Felt Like, Well, In Order To Look Like That, You Have To Have Some Secret, Magical Unicorn Blood That Makes Carbs Disappear As They Go Into Your Body. I Prefer The Truth.

You See People Who Get So Many Big Opportunities, And They Take Them, And They're Not Ready.