I Had No Idea This Thing Was

Stocks Are At An All-time High Today. I Don't Have Any Money In The Stock Market. I Don't Have The Stomach For The Ups And Downs. So About 20 Years Ago I Put All Of My Money And Liquid Assets Into Videotape Rewind Machines.

Don't Worry About Me. I Plan To Continue To Be In Show Business. I Have Already Been Booked To Be In A Production Of 'the Sunshine Boys' With Jay Leno.

Newt Gingrich Is Against Same-sex Marriage. Well, Actually, He's Against Same-marriage Sex.

Former President Bill Clinton Is On The Program Tonight. He Says That While His Wife Runs For President, He Would Like To Stay Out Of The Limelight. Well, He's Certainly Come To The Right Place. He'll Be Fine Here.

Overall Bush's European Trip Has Been An Overwhelming Success. Not Once Has He Gotten Separated From His Group.