I Had Never Done A Roast, But

Are There Glass Shards In My Anus?!

When Somebody Says I Wouldn't Change A Thing They're Thinking Of Something They Would Change.

When Someone's Running Late Through An Airport, I Hope They Miss Their Flight So They Can Meet The Love Of Their Life At The Duty Free Shop.

We're All Gonna Lie, We're All Gonna Cry, And We're All Gonna Take Painful Shits.

If You Use Tact You Can Say Anything, Then Make It Funny.