I Don't Drink. I Don't Like It.

I Could Never Have A Mistress, Because I Couldn't Bear To Tell The Story Of My Life All Over Again.

An Epigram Is Only A Wisecrack That's Played At Carnegie Hall.

My Psychiatrist Once Said To Me, 'maybe Life Isn't For Everyone'.

I've Given Up Reading Books. I Find It Takes My Mind Off Myself.

I Never Read Bad Reviews About Myself, Because My Friends Invariably Tell Me About Them.