I Didn't Need The Elf Outfit To

I'm One Of Those Passengers Who Arrives At The Airport Five Or Six Hours Early So I Can Throw Back A Few Drinks And Muster Up The Courage To Board The Plane. Apparently I'm Not Alone Because I've Never Been In An Empty Airport Bar. I Don't Care What Time You Get There. Even At 8:00 A.m. You Have To Fight Your Way To The Bar. At That Hour, Everyone Drinks Bloody Marys So No One Can Tell It's Booze- At Least Until They Fall Off Their Chair.

Funny Is Funny Is Funny.

Well, My Career Choice Made A Difference Because I Never Would Have Met My Wife, Jenny. I Met Her Through Comedian Buddy Hackett. He Set Us Up On A Blind Date And Then We Got Married.

Don't Ever Have Two Dogs. That Way You Won't Know Which One To Blame.

I Couldn't Play Off People That I Don't Personally Like.