I Always Wanted To Be A Snake.

If You're 1 Of The 3 Girls In Pics With A Greaseball Whose Arms Are Around You At A Club You Lose At Life. If You're The Greaseball You Win.

Ex-girlfriends Will Find Themselves In My New Routine. Sometimes They Like That, And Sometimes They Definitely Do Not. But Comedians Should Come With A Giant Warning Or Disclaimer: If You Date Me, It Will Be In My Act.

It's Hard To Be Happy For Someone When You Know Deep Down They'd Kill You If They Had The Chance.

I'm Not Giving Up On Life. I'm Giving Up On Today.

What Happens In Vegas, I'm Telling Everyone.