For His Sake I'm Sorry That Robert

When Famous People Are Nice To Me, It Feels Good, So I'm Happy To Hang Out With Them. It's Better Than Being At Home, Depressed, Reading 'the Hobbit.'

I Went To Columbia University Because They Were Doing A Study On People Who Suffered From Panic Attacks, And Because I Suffered From Panic Attacks My Whole Life, I Decided To Be A Part Of It. They Had This Questionnaire Where They Asked, How Many Units Of Alcohol Do You Have In A Month? The Top Answer Was 40 Or More, And I Got Really Scared Because I Was Having On Average 60 Or 70 Drinks A Week. And I Realized That That Was A Bad Sign.

When I Was Growing Up, I Was The Most Pretentious Person I Have Ever Met. I Only Read Obscure Books And Watched Obscure Movies And Only Listened To Obscure Music.

The Midlife Crisis You're Having At 30 Is Indulgent, But The Midlife Crisis You Have At 45 Is To An Extent Thrust Upon You.

I Still Never Get Recognized. Small, Bald White Guys Like Myself - We All Kind Of Look The Same.