Finally The World Would See My Full

One Afternoon A Girl Walked By In A Bikini And My Cousin Janet Scoffed, “look At The Hips On Her.” I Panicked. What About The Hips? Were They Too Big? Too Small? What Were My Hips? I Didn’t Know Hips Could Be A Problem. I Thought There Was Just Fat Or Skinny. This Was How I Found Out That There Are An Infinite Number Of Things That Can Be “incorrect” On A Woman’s Body.

Anyone Who Knows Me Will Tell You That I Am All About Money. I Mean, Just Look How Well My Line Of Zodiac-inspired Toe Rings And Homeopathic Children's Medications Are Selling On Home Shopping Network.

[...] Things Most People Do Naturally Are Often Inexplicably Difficult For Me.

Sleep When Your Baby Sleeps. Everyone Knows This Classic Tip, But I Say Why Stop There? Scream When Your Baby Screams. Take Benadryl When Your Baby Takes Benadryl. And Walk Around Pantless When Your Baby Walks Around Pantless.

A Willingness To Drop Your Ego And Let Yourself Look Foolish. You Almost Have To Enjoy Looking Vulnerable. You'd Be Surprised How Many People Don't Want To Do That.