Comedy Is The Only Hope For Humanity.

A Guy Is A Lump Like A Doughnut. So, First You Gotta Get Rid Of All The Stuff His Mom Did To Him. And Then You Gotta Get Rid Of All That Macho Crap That They Pick Up From Beer Commercials. And Then There's My Personal Favorite, The Male Ego.

I Try To Do Women's-point-of-view Comedy. The Joke Is, 'this Is What I Think; There's The Truth.' I Try To Think Of Stuff That's Real Broad, But The More Personal It Is, The More Universal It Is. All My Friends Go Through The Same Stuff.

My Husband Says, 'roseanne, Don't You Think We Ought To Talk About Our Sexual Problems?' Like I'm Gonna Turn Off Wheel Of Fortune For That.

Acorn Is Organizing To Make Sure The Job Of Rebuilding New Orleans Is Done By The People Of New Orleans And Truly Benefits The Communities Who Have Been Hurt The Most.

To Expect Life To Treat You Good Is Foolish As Hoping A Bull Won't Hit You Because You Are A Vegetarian.