Charlie Sheen Is To Stand-up What Larry

I Think Jersey Stands Alone, And Because I'm From Jersey, I Never Make Fun Of Where People Are From. I'll Make Fun Of What They Look Like, But I'll Never Make Fun Of Where They Are From. Jersey Is Special.

I Had A Life Experience That Most Of My - That None Of My Friends Had. I Remember I Became Everybody's Rabbi. Everybody Who Needed Advice Would Talk To Me, And It Became An Obvious Thing.

Life Is Short. You Have To Be Able To Laugh At Our Pain Or We Never Move On.

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.

When I See A Good Singer, I Get Teary-eyed. Part Of It Is Jealousy Because All Comedians Are Frustrated Rock Stars. That's A Fact.