Cats Have Nine Lives. Makes Them Ideal

I Was Out With A Friend And He Came Over With A Pair Of Girls. I Said To Him "they're Like Buses." He Said "what? Because You Wait For Ages And Then Two Come Along At Once." I Said "no, They Are Like Buses!"

When I Was A Kid I Had An Imaginary Friend And I Used To Think That He Went Everywhere With Me, And That I Could Talk To Him And That He Could Hear Me, And That He Could Grant Me Wishes And Stuff. And Then I Grew Up, And I Stopped Going To Church.

A Big Girl Once Came Up To Me After A Show And Said "i Think You're Fatist." I Said "no, No. I Think You're Fattest."

The 2012 Olympics Is Going To Cost £8 Billion Which Is A Lot Of Money. It'll Probably Bankrupt London. But You Can't Put A Price On Two Bronze Medals In Cycling.

I've Got A Friend Whose Nickname Is "shagger". You Might Think That's Pretty Cool. She Doesn't Like It.