Atheism Is A Religion The Way Abstinence

New Rule: President Bush Must Stop Acting Like We're The Idiots. He Gives Speech After Speech, And The Theme Is Always The Same; 'what Part Of Freedom Don't You Get, You Morons?'. I'll Answer That For You Mr. President. The Part Where You Give It To People By Blowing Them Up.

We Learned This Week That Mitt Romney Is Building A Car Elevator In His House. An Elevator For Your Cars. I Get The Feeling This Guy Wants To Be President So He Has A Place To Live While He's Remodeling His Beach House. ... I'm Not Worried That This Guy Is Out Of Touch. I'm Worried He's Batman. I Could See Mitt As Batman. He Hears About A Robbery, He Changes Into The Magic Underwear, He Rushes To The Crime Scene, And He Helps The Crooks Manage Their New Money.

Officials Believe That One Of The Terrorists Was A Woman. And There Are Female Suicide Bombers. It's Just That Their Reward In Paradise Is A Little Different. Instead Of Getting 72 Virgins, They Get 72 Guys Who Just Listen.

Republicans Stand By Their Convictions. Stupid, Ignorant, World-destroying Convictions Based On Disproven Economic Fantasies And Ancient Books Full Of Primitive Morality And Magic People. But Convictions, Nonetheless.

Scientists Say An 8.9 Earthquake Here Could Knock Down Buildings, Flood Coastal Areas... And Improve The Roads.