As Psychotic As It Gets Outside, The

I'm Always Amazed When I Hear People Saying, "that George Bush, He's A Great Leader". And I Wonder, Where Can One Find A Drug That Would Make One So Delusional?

Now, They Say That New Zealand Is Beautiful And I Do Not Know -- Because After 22 Hours On A Plane Any Landmass Would Be Beautiful.

See... What I Felt They Should Have Done, For Our First Public Works Project, Is Build A Giant Wall... Across The Entire Border Of Canada. Because That's Where The Cold Air Comes From.

I've Seen The End Of The Universe, And It Happens To Be In The United States And, Oddly Enough, It's In Houston, Texas. I Know - I Was Shocked, Too. Imagine My Surprise When I Left A Comedy Club One Day And Walked To The End Of The Block, And There On One Corner Was A Starbucks, And Across The Street From That Starbucks, In The Exact Same Building As That Starbucks, There Was - A Starbucks. I Looked Back And Forth, Thinking The Sun Was Playing Tricks With My Eyes. That There Was A Starbucks Across From A Starbucks - And That, My Friends, Is The End Of The Universe.

Valentine's Day: The Holiday That Reminds You That If You Don't Have A Special Someone, You're Alone.